


Googly Eyes for Cougar

by IceAngelDarkMoon



Category: The Losers (2010), The Losers (Comic), The Losers - All Media Types
Genre: Butts, Getting Together, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 12:03:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1687625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceAngelDarkMoon/pseuds/IceAngelDarkMoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Jensen added Googly eyes to things and Cougar didn’t laugh, and the one time he did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jensen

1.

No one knew where or when Jensen obtained a bag of various sized googly eyes, and unfortunately it was too late before any of them stopped to consider the consequences. It started off small and tame and then progressed to Jensen’s usual level.

“Who’s a pretty girl? You’re looking so fine today, have you had work done?” Jensen babbled to his computer. While sweet talking his computer was the usual for the tech, there was something a little bit different about it today. It took Cougar a moment to realize that it was in part because Jensen was spending more time looking at his computer screen than typing on the keyboard, which was unusual for when he wasn’t showing the team something on the screen. When he glanced around at the other guys, all up to various activities around the room as they all waited to start a new mission within a couple days, no one else seemed to have noticed.

Deciding to kill two birds with one stone, Cougar carefully stowed his cleaning supplies and returned his sidearm to the holster on his hip. Stretching much like his namesake, he stood from his chair and headed towards the kitchen. On the way he made sure to pass behind Jensen and look at what he was doing on the screen. Just as he was about to walk right past and declare nothing out of the usual he stopped. Just behind Jensen he looked at the computer and just blinked a couple times, making sure what he was seeing was really there.

Pooch, having just come from the kitchen stopped next to Cougar and glanced at Jensen’s computer as well. Only instead of just blankly staring he partially inhaled his beer. Without breaking his stare at the computer Cougar slapped Pooch on the back until the other man was breathing normally again.

“Jesus, Jensen, what did you do to your computer?” Pooch finally coughed out. Jensen turned with his megawatt smile and beamed at the two teammates.

“I’ve told you Pooch, my first name is Jacob not Jesus. And doesn’t she look pretty.” He flourished his hand at his precious as if they hadn’t seen his “improvement.”

“Why did you feel the need to add eyes to your computer? You still can’t marry it.” Pooch stated as he ran a hand down over his face.

“First off my computer is a she, not an ‘it,’ thank you very much. Second, she wanted to feel more like a real girl. And third Cougar thinks it is funny, don’t ya buddy?” Jensen turned his pleading eyes to his best friend then. Cougar gave a couple more blinks, then shook his head sadly and turned back towards the kitchen. Jensen squawked his protest loudly, but Cougar didn’t stop, and Pooch decided to follow.

“I guess at least he didn’t decide to add fake boobs to her.” Pooch stated forlornly as he took another sip of his beer. Cougar tipped his hat in agreement and opened his own beer.


	2. Pooch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pooch is the first victim of the googly eyes.

2.

Pooch probably should have had his guard up after insulting Jensen’s addition to his computer, but honestly he had forgotten about the whole thing until the whole unit was walking out to the van a couple weeks later. They were on their way to one of the local bars that still allowed Clay and Roque in, and were celebrating having only received minor injuries on their last mission.

Jensen was first out of the house, calling “Shotgun” as he dove for the van. Pooch had been second out but stopped just past the doorway while Clay and Roque bumped right into the stationary driver. Cougar being his usual self didn’t join the pile up and instead squeezed past the others so that he could see. He felt his eyebrows rise up under the brim of his hat. He smirked, shook his head, and started after Jensen and climbed into the back of the van.

“Jensen, what had you done to my van?” Pooch finally choked out as he took a couple of tentative steps forward. Behind him Clay and Roque burst into laughter as they took in the full picture of Jensen’s revenge. Just where the roof and the windshield met, Jensen had attached the largest googly eyes any of them had ever seen. If that had not been bad enough, the hood of the van was somehow decorate to look like a very large pair of breasts, barely contained by a small bikini top.

“What,” Jensen asked sweetly from the passenger seat, as Clay and Roque climbed into the back of the van still laughing. “I thought you liked how I had decorated my girl, and you did mention about fake boobs. Surprise!” He made jazz hands as he said this last part. Pooch dragged both hands over his face and counted to 10 slowly.

“Come on, are we going to the bar or not?” Roque shouted a wicked smirk on his face.

“Jensen, that shit had better not be permanent.” Pooch muttered as he climbed into the driver’s seat.

“If you’re really nice to me, I might let you see the directions on how to remove them without damage.” Pooch was just raising an arm to punch Jensen, when Jensen added his kill shot. “And if anything happens to me because of this, Cougar has orders to tell Jolene that you were being mean to me!” While this was news to Cougar, he just smirked into the rear-view mirror and wiggled his eyebrows. The whole team knew that Jolene had a soft spot for Jensen, and generally treated him like her younger brother. There was nothing Pooch could do but buy Jensen’s drinks that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you are wondering what the boob car cover looks like, this is what I had in mind: http://i.weirdnutdaily.com/9c


	3. Roque

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roque shouldn't have laughed so loudly at Pooch, as he is next on Jensen's list.

3.

Cougar knows he should be more worried than he is when he sees Jensen slinking around the main room and humming the Mission Impossible theme song. He was randomly rolling and holding his fingers as a gun (where was his actual gun was, only Dios knew) and pointing them at imaginary targets. It wasn’t until Cougar realized that Jensen was slowly making his way over to Roque’s door that the behavior made him nervous. Clay and Roque had been out drinking that evening and had come back more than a little tipsy. So Cougar knew that it would be mostly safe for Jensen to do whatever he was going to do, but he should still take precautions.

Grabbing his used oil rag from where he had cleaned his rifle earlier, Cougar pelted it at Jensen’s backside where he was crawling towards Roque’s partially opened door. If it took Cougar a couple extra seconds to throw the rag because the butt in question had been surprisingly distracting, there was no one who knew. Jensen stilled under the assault the instant the rag hit, then rolled over onto his back and looked down his body at Cougar. Trying to prevent the chaos that would come, either tonight or sometime soon, because of this little trip, Cougar raised an eyebrow and shook his head. In reply, Jensen just smiled and nodded his head vigorously. He was just turning over when Cougar’s movement stopped him. Motioning to his chest to show his meaning, Cougar watched as it took Jensen only a moment to figure out what he meant. It was nice having someone who was able to understand Cougar no matter how he “spoke.” With a put upon sigh Jensen stood up and wandered into their shared room.

Jensen rolled back into the main room, again humming Mission Impossible them. Cougar was pleased to note he was wearing his field issue flak jacket. Better safe than sorry, Cougar supposed, when dealing with the knife crazy Roque. This time Jensen crawled all the way across the room, and tried to go under the table where Cougar was working. When Jensen was in range, Cougar snapped the end of the rag that he was still using against the vulnerable butt. Jensen glared over his shoulder while Cougar waggled his eyebrows. Turning back towards his target, Jensen just wiggled his rear at Cougar to prove a point, and then proceeded on his “mission.”

It was a few tense minutes later that Jensen emerged into the room. His maniacal grin was in place and since there was no noise from Roque’s room Cougar supposed it had been successful (and hopefully Roque wasn’t dead). Apparently the grin wasn’t enough for Jensen because when he reached the middle of the room, and consequently only a couple feet away from Cougar, he began a celebration dance. Mostly it involved throwing his arms around and a lot of hip and butt shaking. Those sweat pants that Jensen wore did nothing to hide Jensen’s body. Cougar was again glad from the brim of his hat, which allowed him to observe so many things without it appearing like he was. There were times he really questioned Jensen’s sanity, and this might have been one of those moments.

It wasn’t until the following evening that Cougar saw the purpose of Jensen’s mission. He had an idea that something was up when Jensen started to complain about being bored, even though Cougar knew he had been in the middle of an online raid. Pooch caved to the whining first and suggested cards.

“Ok, even if Cougar is going to cheat and win everything, like always.” Jensen groused as usual, but when he met Cougar’s eyes there was a certain gleam in them. This was only further confirmed when Jensen made sure to sit across from Roque, rather than next to him, and took the seat with the back towards the door, the seat none of them liked. Nothing happened until it was Roque’s turn to place his bet, then everything seemed to happen in very quick succession.

As was his standard operating procedure, Roque drew one of his large knives from somewhere and jammed it into the table top. Luckily for Jensen, he didn’t notice the addition to it right away. Cougar did though, and quickly hid his smirk while he moved to place himself more firmly between Jensen and Roque. Clay also chose that moment to poke his head into the kitchen.

“Roque, what have I said about…” Their CO’s voice stopped and was replaced by loud full laughter that shook the older man.

“What?” Roque asked and then turned to the knife embedded in the table. There on the hilt were two googly eyes staring, slightly cross eyed, back at him. Pooch joined Clay in laughing at the look on Roque’s face. Cougar was more practical and pulled Jensen up by his shirt and started pushing him towards the door so he could run. Unfortunately, Jensen had no sense of self preservation and spoke as he was shoved out the door.

“Just look at how happy that knife looks now, man!” It was only because Clay joined Pooch and Cougar in holding back Roque just then that Jensen lived to see the next morning!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I totally almost typed the "venerable" butt instead of "vulnerable"…I think Jensen would have approved!


	4. Clay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay should know better than to try and hit on a crazy woman when the team is there.

4.

Roque still hadn’t completely forgiven Jensen for demeaning one of his knives when the whole team found themselves out at another bar. They had just settled down at a table all together when something at the bar caught Clay’s eye. Before any of them could stop him, he had placed himself next to her.

“So, anyone want to take bets on how bat-shit crazy this one is?” Pooch asked with a resigned sigh just as the woman flashed a wide smile at Clay and offered him her hand. No one replied to Pooch as they all watched Clay being handed a beer while he and the woman smiled and chatted.

“Goddamn it. I told him to keep it in his pants for one night. I am so sick of dealing with this shit.” Roque growled as he took a gulp of his beer and started to stand up.

“Naw man, hold on, I’ll take the Clay-Cockblocking-Commission tonight. Also points for alliterations!” Jensen offered as he stood up. Roque sized Jensen up for a moment before sighing and waving his hand towards Clay and the woman.

“Great.” Jensen smirked before turning to Cougar. “Cougar, I need your body.” It took almost all of his sniper training not to spit his beer out at this, but Cougar managed to just raise a single eyebrow at the tech.

“Jensen, what did Clay say about the whole ‘Don’t Tell’ thing?” Pooch stated wearily, burying his face into his hands.

“Pooch.” Jensen whined, as he turned to face the mechanic. “Why do you assume Clay had a DADT talk with me?”

“Because he shouted it across the safe house when you tried to suntan in a pink Speedo when we were in Middle East.” Roque shook his head at this, as if he was trying to shake that memory out of his mind’s eye. Cougar just felt his lip twitch at the memory.

“My thighs were craving some vitamin D; what can I say? Besides you are worrying for nothing, if I had anything to tell, you fuckers would be the last I’d “tell,” it is much more fun making you always wonder!” Jensen smiled brightly and waggled his eyebrows at them. Then he turned back to Cougar.

“But seriously man, I need you to just stand next to the crazy woman for a moment and distract her with your amazing body.” He reached and pulled Cougar to his feet and started pulling him towards the bar.

“Again, no “Telling,” Jensen. That means no hitting on your teammates!” Pooch groaned while Roque looked like he was trying to pretend he wasn’t hearing any of this.

“What, it was merely an observation, Pooch. Besides, I flirt with you guys all the time, and you only complain when it isn’t with you.” Jensen was clearly about to go on, when Cougar just reached over and squeezed his hand, the one that was still gripping Cougar’s bicep. It made Jensen focus back on Cougar and stopped his chatter.

“Jensen, shut up and go do your thing before Clay gets the crazy lady.” Roque snapped as Jensen kept looking at Cougar.

“Right, right. Come on, Cougs.” They were moving away again. “Ok, so I do need you to just stand next to her, maybe bump her or something. Anything to take her eyes off Clay for a moment. Just make sure you don’t end up with the crazy lady, alright?” The last part was more of a question than a statement and there was something that Cougar didn’t recognize in Jensen’s eyes.

“Comprendo.” Cougar nodded once and then pulled away from Jensen. He waited until Jensen was in place, just behind Clay at the bar. Jensen gave a quick nod, and Cougar went into action. He bumped the woman slightly from behind, and quickly followed it with a husky, “Lo siento,” and before he had even finished she, and Clay were turning to look at him. He offered one of his lady killing smirks, as Jensen liked to call them, and tipped his hat to her. The woman was about to say something when Clay caught her hand and pulled her attention back to him.

Cougar moved away from the woman and the bar, and glanced over at Jensen. He was rewarded with a bright smile and a wave that directed him back to the team’s table. It was just as Cougar was sitting down that Jensen’s plan sprang together.

Clay had been smooth talking his lady with his eyes focused on her. Then he went to take a sip of his beer bottle, only to react to something on the bottle and fling it away from him. Unfortunately for Clay, it flew and hit the woman in the shoulder before dropping, neck down in the woman’s purse. She shrieked and pulled the bottle out, but it was clearly too late, as the beer had already flooded her purse. Standing up quickly enough to topple her stool over, she slapped Clay and started towards the door. When Clay reached out a hand to her to either explain or apologize, no one knew, the woman turned around and hit him several times with the soggy purse before stalking out the door of the bar.

Again without any sense of self preservation, Jensen began to laugh loudly from behind Clay. Clay whipped around and caught Jensen by the back of his neck and dragged him over to the table where the other three sat in stunned silence. Jensen’s plan had worked, but none of them were really sure what had happened.

“I assume you did not act alone Corporal?” Clay asked dangerously, although it was hard to take him too seriously with the red hand print on his cheek.

“Now Clay I am hurt, why do you assume it was me? Just because I was standing next you at the time doesn’t mean a thing.” Jensen tried, only for Clay to shake him by the neck a bit. Cougar was part way out of his seat when Clay sighed and shoved Jensen towards his previous seat and Clay sat down, too.

“Dude, Jensen, what did you do?” Pooch asked in wonderment. Roque just reached out and gave Jensen a fist bump. The tech responded with a smile that made it look like Christmas had come early.

“Did you see that Clay? Roque isn’t trying to help me unlock my special powers by making me dodge knives anymore!”

“Jensen.” Clay warned. “Answer Pooch’s question.”

“Um, I may have put some eyes on Clay’s beer bottle while he wasn’t looking.” He reached for Pooch’s bottle and attached some part way down the bottle. “Try taking a drink.” When Pooch did the others could see that when the bottle was titled the googly eyes were staring straight back at Pooch. Roque and Pooch broke out into laughter at this, and Cougar gave a small smile and patted Jensen on the shoulder, it had been a good plan.

“Jensen, how did you get those on my bottle?” Clay asked no longer mad, just curious.

“I may have used Cougar’s body as distraction for the two of you, while I was a ninja and attached them to the bottle.” Jensen drummed his fingers on the table for a moment to let them digest that information.

“Actually, my originally plan was to glue some eyes to the back of Roque’s head so Clay would always feel him watching him, but Roque never stops watching Clay with his normal eyes for that to work. And I didn’t want to dodge more knives; I have to protect my pretty face.”

Clay and Roque both looked like they wanted to say something but just couldn’t figure out what to say. Pooch just shook his head sadly and continued to drink from his eye-balled bottle. Cougar reached over and smacked Jensen upside his head.

“Stop while you are ahead.” He muttered to Jensen, and then bumped their shoulders together to show he knew Jensen couldn’t help it sometimes when he tried to push people’s buttons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spanish translation: Comprendo- Ok/I understand


	5. Cougar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cougar should have known better than to let down his guard.

5.

Cougar knew that Jensen was the type that hated to leave anything unfinished, and since he had not placed googly eyes on anything of Cougar’s yet, he knew it was only a matter of time. However, what Cougar had not taken into account, which in retrospect was rather stupid he reflected, was that Jensen was also not above using his niece to help him accomplish his goals (or vendettas). So Cougar was totally not suspecting anything when he joined Jensen for a trip to visit his sister and niece.

“Sr. Cougar?” The little blonde girl asked cautiously. “Could I please brush your hair? Please? You have the prettiest hair.” He looked down at Jewel, trying to determine if this was genuine or some part of a scheme.

“She is actually pretty good at it.” Jensen stated as he joined them in the room. Cougar felt a smile tug at his lips as he saw that instead of his usual spikes, Jensen’s hair was gel free and pulled into two little tufts at the top of his head. “And you don’t have to end up in pigtails.” He gestured to the tufts, and Cougar realized that was what the twin tufts were called. On Jensen it was actually rather adorable, not that Cougar would ever tell him that, not even under torture.

“Uncle Jake says you have the prettiest hair he has ever seen. Even compared to all of the women you have dated.” Cougar shot Jensen a dark look, but besides a slight flush in his cheeks and an unrepentant grin Jensen just shrugged back. “I don’t know about those women,” Jewel paused as if considering something, “but I do know it is the best hair I have ever seen.” She turned her blue eyes up to him and seemed to flutter her lashes at him. Off to his side he could feel another set of blue eyes, similarly pleading; only he hoped without the fluttering of the lashes as well. He knew when he had been out maneuvered.

“No pigtails.” Cougar acquiesced and squeezed Jewels hand in assurance. Her smile was blinding and she tugged on their joined hands to pull him into her room. Jensen was quietly chuckling and following behind them. Turn over his should as he was pulled along, Cougar muttered. “ _Take any pictures and you will know what your own balls taste like!_ Comprendes?” He asked the first part in Arabic, knowing Jewel knew too much Spanish to say the threat safely in his preferred language. Jensen just shook his head and gave Cougar a “who me?” look that did not fool the sniper.

Cougar found himself being shoved down into a little pink chair that put his head at almost the same level as his knees. Before he could protest, tiny little hands removed his hat from his head and set it on the little bed that was covered in a bright pink bedspread. Luckily, Cougar was facing a Jewel’s little vanity mirror so he could see his hat on the bed behind him, especially as Jensen sat on the bed behind him. Thankfully the tech was smart enough to stay on the other side of the bed from the hat. Jensen just grinned at him in the mirror, as Jewel began to run her little brush through his hair. Cougar was surprised to find that she knew enough to start at the tips of the hair, with her other hand gently holding higher up to make sure none of the tangles pulled.

“Why don’t you tell Cougar what you have planned for the other guys when they come to visit, it will make him smile and relax a bit?” Jensen prodded as he lay out on the small bed, hands propped up under his chin, his legs bent at the knees and protruding into the air behind him. Although Cougar was pleased to note he still kept his distance from the hat.

“Well I want Mr. Pooch to help me build a mini tank to drive around the backyard. But I want it to be pink, not any of those boring army colors.” Her little nose wrinkled in displeasure at the thought.

“I have suggested the same thing for the real tanks, but for some reason no one else seems to think it is a good idea. Why I don’t know, it is not like people don’t see tanks coming anyway. I mean, personally, I think some men would have a problem being attacked by a pink tank.” Jewel turned and glared over her should at Jensen. “Ok sorry, keep going.” Jensen just kicked his legs in the air, and mimed zipping his lips. Cougar knew that would never last.

“What I really want though is Mr. Clay and Mr. Roque to join me for a tea party. They would be perfect for Sansa and Daenerys. Plus, I know they don’t know how to drink tea properly, so I will get to yell at them about etiquette.” A devious smile stole across her face, and Cougar worried what she would be like when she was older. It was actually a terrifying thought, especially if Jensen and his sister were anything to judge by.

“Quiénes son…” Cougar started, but Jewel answered before he could finish. She pulled away from his hair, and pulled a large bear and an ever larger doll and placed them in Cougar’s lap.

“Aren’t they awesome? I named them after the cool characters Uncle Jake told me about in _Game of Thrones_ , even though he won’t let me watch it for some reason.” She shot a dark look at Jensen here.

“Hey, not until you are a grown up. It may have some awesome characters, but no, I am not that awful of an adult to let a 6 year old watch the show.” Jensen gave an exaggerated shudder, and for once Cougar had to agree with him, too many naked people for Jewel to watch.

“Anyways. The bear is Danny since they both have white hair, and Sansa is the doll. Sansa is for Mr. Roque, since Uncle Jake says Mr. Clay isn’t allowed near any women because he turns them crazy.” Cougar couldn’t help a small chuckle that escaped at this. Probably for the best, Cougar was inclined to believe Clay could turn anyone crazy with enough exposure, just look at the team.

“Are you going to make them hold out their pinkies?” Jensen asked, as he mimed holding a teacup in his hand, with his smallest finger sticking out away from the rest. Cougar raised an eyebrow at this strange custom.

“Of course, that is how dignified people drink tea.” Jewel continued to brush Cougar’s hair straight. It actually did feel nice, and Cougar found himself relaxing under the attention and the idea of what punishment was in store for his two superiors.

“You know I was going to ask if I could give you a makeover, but Uncle Jake said there was no way you would let me. He said that maybe you would let me brush your hair. But he said he would let me do his make up later!” Cougar shot Jensen a grateful look. While he had suspected the tech of planting ideas in the little girl’s head, it could have been a lot worse.

“I have the best Uncle ever, don’t you agree Sr. Cougar?” Jewel asked earnestly, and Cougar could see that genuine adoration in her eyes.

“Sí,” Cougar agreed, eyes flicking to Jensen in the mirror. He felt a smile tug on his lips as he saw Jensen’s blush of embarrassment. Jewel hearing Cougar’s agreement, darted over and gave her uncle a tight hug.

“Now, why don’t you finish Cougar’s hair, then maybe we can find some lunch.” Jensen pushed her back towards Cougar. Jewel took a step towards Cougar before turning and throwing herself back at Jensen and wrapping her arms tight around him.

“Love you Uncle Jake, even if you won’t let me watch _Game of Thrones_.” Cougar watched as a bright smile lit across Jensen’s face, and then Jewel pulled away and ran back to Cougar.

“I want a picture of both of your hair.” She stated a few minutes later. Cougar would have objected, but she had kept her word and his hair looked the same as usual, just completely brushed. Before he could reply Jensen did.

“I’ll set up my camera if you get in the picture with us and allow Cougar to wear his hat. We want people to be able to recognize him, right?” Jewel nodded, and Cougar followed suit when Jensen looked at him. It took Cougar a moment to stand from the small chair, but that worked because it gave Jensen time to fiddle with his phone and lean it against the mirror. Then Jensen grabbed Cougar and Jewel and pulled them back towards the bed quickly.

“Duck down, Cougs.” Jensen stated as he placed Cougar on one side of Jewel, and pushed on Cougar’s back to get him in position. Then reaching for the bed, Jensen snagged the hat and dropped it on Cougar’s head before taking the same position on Jewel’s other side, only with his arm thrown around Cougar.

“Smile.” Jensen ordered just a moment before the camera flashed a truly blinding light. As Cougar blinked trying to get the spots before his eyes to disappear, he realized that something about his hat was off. It was just slightly too heavy. He was just about to check when he heard Jensen speak.

“Now thank Sr. Cougar for letting you brush his hair and take a picture, and then we’ll find some lunch.”

“Thank you Sr. Cougar. I…” She stopped and broke into giggles when she looked at him. Glancing over at Jensen, Cougar noted he too was laughing and there was that mischievous glint to his eyes as well. Sighing, Cougar reached up and felt the band of his hat, and sure enough, there were two plastic circles.

“Cuándo?” He asked Jensen as Jewel kept giggling.

“When you were practically purring while she brushed your hair.” He replied with a shrug and smile. Cougar knew that he should be angrier about the hat, but since it had made both Jensens in the room laugh, and there was no one else to see, he didn’t mind too much. Glancing in the mirror across the room, he saw that it could have been a lot worse; the eyes did look rather funny there. And if they weren’t temporary, he would have to make real on his earlier threat to Jensen.

“I’m going to go bother mom about lunch. We’ll do your make up this afternoon Uncle Jake!” Jewel smiled and waved as she ran out of the room. Jensen just rolled his eyes, and ran a hand over his hair, only to stop at the two pigtails still there. Carefully he started to undo the hair bands wrapped there.

“Thank you for letting her brush your hair. She keeps trying to get me to grow my hair out, but I just don’t have the patience to deal with it. Besides Roque would probably cut it off for me, since he can’t seem to stand my awesome style as it is.” He babbled as he undid the first side, and started on the second. With his hair soft and falling over his eyes he looked more like he should be a student at college than a trained killer. It was a good look, but Cougar knew why Jensen couldn’t wear it this way on the base.

“The eyes should come right off, it is just tape, and I made sure to check that the tape wouldn’t ruin the leather. Thank you for not killing me in front of my niece for messing with The Hat.”

“No problema. At least there were no boobs.” Jensen reacted with a look of pure horror at the thought of desecrating the hat in such a way. Cougar couldn’t help the smiling at that and he reached out before he could stop himself and ruffled Jensen’s hair. He might as well take advantage of one of the few times it wasn’t spiked with gel. “So, maquillaje?” Cougar teased with a wink as he headed for the door.

“Now you are just jealous of how hot I will look after my makeover.” Jensen joked as he caught up with Cougar. He threw an arm around Cougar’s shoulder and squeezed in a silent thank you before running off after his niece. His heart gave an uncomfortable thump at that, and Cougar wondered if maybe his thing for Jensen was a little more serious than he originally thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spanish translations:  
> Sr.- Short for señor, like Mr. for Mister  
> Comprendes- Do you understand?  
> Quiénes son- Who are they?  
> Cuándo- When?  
> No problema- No problem  
> Maquillaje- makeup


	6. Captain America's Asset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Jensen can finally get Cougar to laugh at his googly eyes.

6.

One of the things that Cougar loved about sharing a room with Jensen was that the room felt lived in. His own side was stark, missing most personal elements, everything tucked away where it was meant to. His most personal touch was the crucifix that hung over his bed, the only reminder of his family that he allowed himself when he joined the military. Occasionally, he would leave the book he was reading out on his bedside table, but mostly it lived in the drawer.

On the other side of the room everything was decorated, and it was all barely contained chaos. Brightly colored shirts and other random clothing were piled around the foot of the bed. Jensen’s prized pirate hat hung on one of the bed posts, and several other random hats hung from another. The bedside table was piled with books and knick-knacks, that Jensen had a habit of knocking over at least once a week. The bed was almost never made, instead the blankets were always left in little half circles where Jensen had let them pool before he slide out of bed. Cougar’s favorite part though was the mural that Jensen had created on the wall. There were random news articles (usually the most bizarre ones that he could find) and artwork from Jewel spread out amongst the news, and Cougar could track the changes as she had gotten older. Best of all were the photographs. Mostly the pictures were of Jewel and her family, but the rest were of the team, and other people in Jensen’s life. The pictures chronicled some of the best moments the Losers had had, and especially Jensen. The newest addition to the wall held the place of honor, right in the middle and Cougar wouldn’t have wanted it anywhere else.

After returning from their leave to visit Jewel and Jillian, Jensen had asked to have Cougar’s blessing to add the photo they had taken there to his wall. Cougar appreciated the gesture, as originally Cougar had not wanted any evidence of the hair brushing where the other guys could see. But when he had seen the digital copy on Jensen’s computer he knew he could deal with the others, and help keep them off of Jensen’s back. In the photo Cougar looks as he usual does, except for the googly eyes on the hat, and the smile on his face. Jewel, taking center stage in the photo, looks adorable, and a little bit smug at her handiwork. It is Jensen that catches Cougar’s eye though. In the photo he is absolutely beaming. With his hair up in those ridiculous pigtails he looks so happy. His right hand is pulling Jewel to him, and his left is slung over Cougar’s shoulder. When Jensen printed his copy, Cougar asked if he could get a smaller version, which Jensen was only too glad to supply.

Sitting on his bed reading, while Jensen worked cross legged on the floor on his computer, Cougar had an unimpeded view of the photo on the wall. The more he looked at it, the more ideas it gave him. When he looked at it, he could almost picture him and Jensen together. It made him wonder if he could get Jensen to smile like that at him.

He was so caught up in looking at the picture and thinking that he missed the slowing and eventual stopping of Jensen’s mindless babbling. It took him a few beats to realize that the room was silent. When he glanced at the tech, Cougar realized he was on the receiving end of a quizzical and calculating look. Trying to salvage his pride, Cougar raised a challenging eyebrow. Jensen didn’t take the bait; instead he glanced, without moving his head, to the wall where Cougar had been looking and then back at Cougar.

“So how is your book?” Jensen asked while trying to look genuinely interested, Cougar knew better.

“Thought provoking.” Cougar replied, and Jensen just snorted in disbelief.

“Nice try, space cadet. But I looked up the whole plot, including the ending, and there is nothing that interesting in that book.” Cougar just shrugged noncommittally at Jensen. He was surprised when Jensen closed his laptop and stood and then stretched. “Let’s go free running, Cougs. I need to move for a bit, and you are clearly bored if you are staring at the wall for fun.”

“Adonde?” Cougar asked as he closed his book and stowed it away in the proper drawer.

“There is a perfect place just off base. I thought if you brought your scope you could help spot what I am doing wrong with one of my rolls, it is starting to tweak one of my shoulders.” He rolled his left shoulder absently as he rummaged in the pile of clothes on the floor for some trousers.

Fifteen minutes later found Cougar driving them to Jensen’s new spot. While the idea had surprised him a bit, Cougar was grateful at the idea of running and working off some of the tension that had sprung up at being caught staring at the picture. It also helped that Jensen had pulled on Cougar’s favorite sweatpants, the ones that seemed to just barely cling to Jensen’s hips yet somehow always stayed in place.

“So do you ever look at anything inappropriate when you are looking through your scope?” Jensen asked abruptly. Cougar was pretty sure he had just been talking about the plot of a science fiction show just before, but he wasn’t sure. Not really sure what Jensen was playing at or what he was up to, Cougar decided to play it safe and spared a quick glare at the other man.

“Jeez, I did not mean to imply you ever slack in your superior sniper skills on mission. I just meant that I know you are capable enough to multitask, and you look through your scope more often than we are on missions. You look like a housecat that has just been asked to share space with a puppy, totally affronted at the slight to your dignity.”

“No.” He punched Jensen in the shoulder as he said it, and kept his eyes firmly on the road in front of him.

“Oww, don’t make me tell Clay you are abusing me.” Out of the corner of his eye he could see Jensen rubbing his shoulder, but smiling despite the show. “On second thought he would probably encourage you. So you win this round. Now was that “no” to the perving of to the cat comment?” Cougar just continued to ignore the babbling tech.

“Ok so that was probably both. But you mean to tell me that with that wonderful scope, you don’t abuse the power even a little bit. Come on man, you can tell me. I thought I was your best friend.” Jensen whined, and Cougar continued to focus on the road.

“Alright, I will pretend to believe you, but we all know you have a dirty mind Cougs.” Jensen paused for a moment, and if the brief silence wasn’t a warning, the devious smile that followed certain was.

“Since you pay so much attention to the team while we are on mission, surely you can tell me who has the best asset on the team.” He made a point to draw out the “s’s” to make sure his meaning was clear. “See I think it has to be me, since you can’t see your own butt, through the scope at least. I mean Clay seems to get all the crazy ladies flocking to him, but he has to have an old man butt. It can’t be Pooch because if someone so much as looked at his, Jolene would know and that could either mean death or TMI. I guess maybe Roque, since he does work out all the time, but he can’t have a great rump if his jeans are always slipping down to show his boxers. So that means it has to be mine. Come on Cougs, you can tell me my butt is your favorite.” Cougar pulled the car to park at their destination, and took a moment before he faced Jensen again.

“Jensen.” He stated, making eye contact and holding it. He almost smirked when he saw Jensen’s blue eyes grow into perfect circles behind his lenses. Clearly Jensen thought he was answering, but Cougar always found it more fun to tease the other man, so he let another moment pass before continuing. “What has Clay said about ‘telling?’”

It worked like a charm. Jensen began to splutter ineffectively, and Cougar finally let the smirk slip on to his face as he exited the car.

“Dude that was so not fair and I hate you. Also there was nothing telling in what I said, it was all merely academic stating of the facts on my part.” Jensen sniffed primly, and Cougar wasn’t fooled. He bumped their shoulders together as they made their way out of the parking lot; just to show Jensen the he did not believe him for a moment.

“Believe what you want, dude. I still think you are a liar and are a secret scope pervert. And just for your information I have been reliably informed that my Gluteus Maximus is almost identical to Captain America’s, so at least I can say mine is almost a National Icon.” Cougar raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

“A National Asset?” Cougar asked slyly. He watched Jensen’s cheeks flush slightly, before he glared at Cougar for disbelief in his voice.

“You, nonbeliever, can go climb that tower and get into position while I stretch.” He motioned vaguely to a structure that resembled nothing more than a watch tower from a prison. But Cougar knew it would be the perfect place to set up, and to have a view of Jensen to help him with his free running skills.

After uneventfully climbing and situating himself, Cougar trained his scope on Jensen. He wondered vaguely how many times he had done that in the past three years that they had been on the team together. He, without really stopping to pause on the man, moved the scope over the whole area, doing a quick sweep, more out of habit than any feelings of danger.

“Are you ready, Cougs?” Jensen asked over their borrowed com unit.

“Sí.” With that Jensen took off and began his run. While the two of them were the best at free running on the team, they were completely different in their techniques. Cougar ran faster and much lower to the ground. His rolls were smoother, and he was overall lighter on his feet. Jensen instead ran with so much more enthusiasm. He would throw himself off of things and compensate in the air for the landings, and most of all he would use his long legs to launch himself to heights that Cougar knew he could never achieve. There was much more of a sense of flying in Jensen’s running than in Cougar’s more controlled style.

Jensen reached a chain link fence and began to climb it. Cougar could not help himself, especially not after Jensen’s questions in the car about the best butt on the team. The scope drifted to focus on the aforementioned derrière. He had just started to focus on it, when Jensen reached the top and caught his sleeve on the wire at the top. He paused a moment to tug free, and in that moment Cougar took a long look. However, before he could truly appreciate the sight, something caught his eye and forced a bark of laughter out of him that turned into quiet chuckling.

There on his butt, just revealed by the bent over posture that lifted his shirt a bit, where two large googly eyes. They seemed to be looking right back at Cougar. Jensen had stilled momentarily as Cougar’s laughter came to him over the coms, then a smirk stole across his face, and he shook his butt a little.

“Caught you.” Jensen stated simply as he finally pulled his sleeve free from the wire. He began to climb back down the way he had come before he started speaking again. “Now, can you admit that I have the best butt?” There was a heat in his voice that Cougar felt his body respond to, but also still just hint of uncertainty.

“Maybe.” He packed his scope and began to climb down the tower.

“Well if you need a closer look, you can help me remove these googly eyes.” Cougar felt his breath catch a little at that. Even from his position on the tower he could see Jensen’s grin at that, and knew it had carried over the coms. “And if you are really lucky, maybe you can check to see if I have hidden any more eyes somewhere.” Cougar jumped down the last six feet; maybe that photograph dream wasn’t so far out of reach after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spanish Translation: Adonde- Where?
> 
> For those who have not see Captain America's distracting butt, please enjoy this: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/61431982387440871/
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the fic. It was meant to be funny and lighthearted, but kept trying to turn slightly darker, but hopefully I was able to cut most of that out.
> 
> Again if you spotted anything that needs fixing in this or any chapter, please let me know!

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this popped into my head while I was working on another story. It was supposed to be just a quick funny thing, and then it kind of spiraled out of control.  
> If you spot any errors, please let me know as I have no beta to spot these things!


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